yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
