My liver just broke up with me...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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