spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
