why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
a search helicopter?!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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