things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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