Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
