I could make wine with my vomit
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
