He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
foreskin is a definite game changer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
