Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
