You just made me feel so damn special
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
