Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
