My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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