please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
