Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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