If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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