im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
