How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
