I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
