I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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