Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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