Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
