I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
there was a trapeze. enough said
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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