So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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