Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
