If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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