I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
