we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
