i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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