yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
