my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
People with herpes should wear stickers.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm like, not good at living.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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