the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
