So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
