My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
