I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
