I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
