When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
