Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
