you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
