Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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