between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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