I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
