Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
