I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
