I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
