More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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