you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
