i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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