shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
