we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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