we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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