remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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